
Julie Hanks, a therapist from Salt Lake City, wants her clients,
when they catch themselves whining, to ask themselves,
"Would I hang out with this person?"
The Wall Street Journal did a piece this week about WHINING. Habitual complaining can be a detriment to positive interactions. As a business communication choice, whining may not be the most effective option.
Article author Elizabeth Bernstein approached the issue by interviewing therapists who deliberately take a "tough love" approach to whining. These therapists do not attract the stereotypical client who seeks out therapy to have a venue for non-stop "venting." Unfortunately, some individuals use their co-workers in the same way. Clients often want to change this behavior to improve both their business and personal lives.
One approach taken by therapists is instructing the complaining client to make a list of how their lives might improve if they stopped whining. Therapist Christina Steinorth suggests that clients set aside 10 minutes a day to devote to whining, then stop.
Some people are unaware that they are whining. Some whine because it was an effective strategy as a child, to wear down parents into granting privileges. But whining is negative, and studies have shown that negative communication can have a deleterious effect on relationships.
Moreover, since whining is indicative of vulnerability and helplessness in a situation, it reveals traits that are not positive to business outcomes. Whining is a way of saying, "You fix it," according to Dr. Fran Walfish, a Beverly Hills psychotherapist.

Source: Wall Street Journal, May 15, 2012: "For a Nation of Whiners, Therapists Try Tough Love," by Elizabeth Bernstein (no relation to blog author).
Follow up:
- According to the article, what did the Gottman Institute discover about relationship outcomes and qualities of communication?
- What strategies do you use, when you feel like whining, to channel
your energy in a more positive direction? If you have none, what
strategies are suggested in the article?